So where is the HD remake of Mavis Beacon's penguin typing game?

If you click on a link and make a purchase we may receive a pocket-size commission. Read our editorial policy.

So where is the Hard disk remake of Mavis Beacon'southward penguin typing game?

Stop remastering last-gen shooters and remake the classic nosotros demand

We're drowning in remakes and remasters. Big publishers are rereleasing every game which is older than three years and sold at to the lowest degree xxx copies. Some of these remakes, I doubtable, sold as few equally vii copies. But they're 'IP', precious intellectual properties to be recycled and rebooted and combined in new forms until the lord's day burns out in the sky. Then why have we still not seen the one we really need: a $500 million remake of the Mavis Beacon minigame where you blazon words to make penguins jump across water ice floes.

I like Dead Space and I will watch that Dead Space remake stream today, simply I tin play Dead Space just fine today. Mavis Buoy's penguin platformer? That'due south ancient, mate. Information technology's a classic too, doubtless the first PC gaming experience for many people over the past 24 years. And all the same publishers are spending squillions of dollars on giving characters HD haircuts. Shameful. While information technology was good to meet typing games resurrected with Typing Of The Expressionless: Overkill, what I need is a fancy modernistic remake of the Penguin Crossing minigame from Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing 8.

An Amazon listing for Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing 8, which actually shows the box for Bionic Commando. — I went looking for a secondhand copy and ???

I desire subsurface scattering on the billion-polygon ray-traced ice floes engraved with the words I must type. The penguin whose fate is dictated by my typings and typos will accept every plumage rendered individually, and a neural net modelled on brain scans of actual penguins will govern the blinks and head tilts of its idle animations. Nolan North will become method and live in a penguin colony for six months, hunched over in a wetsuit and diving for fish, earlier he voices its squawks and honks. And when I exercise flub my words and the penguin's floe crashes into the stone, I want full a full physics simulation, dynamic destruction of each floe, millions of particles in each frame, a simwater so real that its ripples might reflect across the globe and crusade a tidal wave in the Chill. Anything less, and anything else, is bluntly an insult.

I truly believe the mental energies stirred by such a remake could fifty-fifty manifest Mavis into reality.

Also, possibly you lot could host the launch party in my sixth form study room and invite my whole year as guests and so I can again wow them with my WPM while trying to avert explaining "because I'g up until 4am on IRC" as how I learned to blazon so fast.

Screenshot via MobyGames.